If you would have told me two years ago that I would experience a panic attack while attending a small going away party for a close friend's son, I would have chuckled. Although I have always suffered from some strain of social anxiety, especially with unfamiliar crowds, I'm usually quite comfortable in controlled environments such as a private home.
This particular evening was one of the first in almost 20 months that I had ventured outside my home for an indoor gathering. While all present were vaccinated, I perused the room and started to feel my face flush with heat. People were talking and laughing but I couldn't hear their voices. In my twisted brain, I'm thinking, someone could have Covid in this room that doesn't know it yet. Maybe I had it and was putting everyone at risk with my presence. I knew I had to find a safe place away from all of the action to gather my emotions and take a deep breath.
I found a spot on the couch where I could observe the festivities from a distance. I grabbed several throw pillows to put up a protective border between myself and the other guests. To my surprise, I had a companion who joined me, who happens to be my best friend, who was experiencing the same overwhelming thoughts. Mind you, I'm the first to exit while she closes down the house! We are polar opposites!! However, on this cold Saturday night in November, we were on the same page! I felt a tad guilty that it made me feel better that she was almost as panicked as I was!
A few days later, I started feeling a bit under the weather with an intense headache and chills. Automatically, I determined I must have Covid! It turned out to be a 24- hour bug. It was the longest 24-hour bug I've ever experienced! I vowed never to go anywhere again, nor would I host a social event at my own home!
It was then that I realized how much this pandemic affected my thoughts and life.
Then it dawned on me how faulty and unrealistic that thinking is. Illnesses will still come and go. That's part of life that has existed since Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. We can't isolate ourselves and never leave our front steps again out of fear of getting sick. Of course, caution and common sense need to be exercised. However, we can't insulate ourselves from society and live in a sterile bubble. People need people! We need to nourish our mental health and one way to ensure that is to enjoy the company of good friends and family. Too many have passed away due to loneliness and lack of affection from fellow humans.
If you have reservations about acclimating back to life as we knew it, maybe do it gradually. Instead of a larger group, maybe invite a friend or two for dessert and coffee. Whatever avenue you choose, make sure to just do it!
By the way, the party was an incredible send off for such a sweet kid!
I think his favorite present was the one we gave him to remember his Maine family back home! He's pretty fortunate to have these beautiful people hanging on his wall.
With friends like these folks, you can see why people social distance!!
The irony is that my last post was titled, 'Get together as OFTEN as you can'.
I hope to be sharing more recipes and ideas more frequently. Have a great day!
Nice post mom.
ReplyDelete